Sunday, June 21, 2009

Fatherhood.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Frankly, Father's Day's leaves me with a bit of ambitiousness because things didn't work out well with my biological father. In fact, I call him the sperm donor with good reason. When I learned to the reason why he walked out of my life when I was 4 years old with the memory of my mother sobbing at nights, why I didn't have a daddy while everyone else did, and the taunting I took over the years, I realized that he did me and my brother a favor by leaving. The man was a drunkard, a stoner, an abuser, and a womanizer and I fear how I would had turned out if he had stayed. At the age of 15, I took the pain that this loser brought upon and learned a lesson that so few people ever learn: How not to be something. In this case, how NOT to be a father. Given what my children tried to do for me today given the circumstances that even impressed my ex-wife that I overcame and did the right thing when it wasn't either convenience or advantageous to do.

This leads to two message given by a couple of people that I normally wouldn't quote or give any credence to, but unlike liberals, I will give credit, even though I don't care for the person. The first is to Oprah. Though for the most part she hates men, defines us as evil, abusive, unnecessary, et al, in the past, she had a segment about the influence of fathers in 3 situations. Though none of them was a husband-wife couple (no real surprise there), the lesson and final message is worthy of being noted, even if it wasn't the ideal situation. One had to do with a single father raising his son after his mother died, two gay men raising 7 children from Asia, and a single mother who lost her husband in Iraq (a month before his tour was over, that sucked man!) sharing the journal that he left for their son in case he died fighting for us. Though I don't agree with one of the living arrangement, the men, for once were portrayed as heroes and integral in the development and raising of the children. How they bring the structure and discipline to the household and show they're just as capable of showing love for their children as their mothers (or mothers if one was in the picture) are capable of. Coming from Oprah, I was nearly floored.

The other is from Obama. One of the terrible social consequences that plagues the African American communities is the lack of a father in the home. 70% of children in African Americans homes are born illegitimate. That's 7 out of 10 that the parents don't even regard each other as worthy to even marry before bringing a child that they create into this world. That's sad and destructive. Too many are appealed to the feeling of belonging with gangs. Find strength in anger, violence and hate. Is it a coincidence that an overwhelming number are to households lacking a father figure? Obama sensed that is the case when his speech empathized the need for the men to respect and marry the women that they have these babies with. Coming from a man that finds his own grandchildren a punishment to his daughters, it does say something about his belief that children are best served with both parents in the household. It only took 5 months, but I finally found a common ground with Obama that for one day I can say we're united on. Well, other than taking out those 3 pirates. I found that Obama speech is one change and hope that this country need, especially for the African American inter-city youths. If they listen to this one message, perhaps one of the traits that leads to the destructive paths in the communities that suffer from extreme poverty and the radical idealism that follows, can start to be broken.

In the end, learning from what not to do from my father has made me a good one, or at least a decent one. Despite everything showing that I would be another statistic, another victim in the culture war, I kept the damage to a minimum and earned the love and respect of my children. How many fathers, especially liberal fathers, can make that claim? Respect the mother (even when she's wronged you) because father's have a great deal of power in the moral and character development of our future citizens. We all have dreams of how our family will development and it's that dream that gives up the strength to develop and earn the love and raise our children with good morals, sense, and character. A dream that brings out a special desire to better ourselves and those we love as Oprah had learned from the man that sacrificed his life for our freedom and his son.

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