Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Top Dumb Criminals.

I thought I step away from the world of political intrigue and have a light posting. The following are my personal top 5 stupidest or dumbest criminal stories I've accumulated over the years. Now everyone will know I have a sense of humor and isn't all serious all the time. Afterwards, you'll understand a detective that once told me, "Most criminals are stupid and we thank God for that."

#5, Would you like some butter to go with that?

A man decided that he would break into a seafood restaurant during the middle of the night after closing hours. During which, he stole the day's receipts. However, the larceny of a few thousands dollars wasn't enough for this man. He decided he wanted to have a bit of a late night snack as well. Hey, I know about those munchies and perhaps the motive in this case behind the robbery. So he chows down on 11 (THAT'S ELEVEN!!) lobsters. After which he downed it all with a bottle of white wine. I've learned a long time ago alcohol mixed with anything usually don't have good endings and neither did this one. The man promptly fell asleep where the morning crew found him and called the police who awoken the man to his shock of being arrested. Perhaps he should have had the red wine. Next time, order the clam chowder dude.

#4, Man, I just have to have a smoke.

Sheriff's deputies arrested a Camden County inmate trying to sneak back into jail. Usually when one escape they STAY OUT of jail, but not this nimrod. The sheriff said that the inmate had broken out of the jail, strolled to a nearby convenience store where he broke in and stole about 14 packs of cigarettes. That's money in prison, isn't it??? The inmate then tried to sneak back into the jail with the cigarettes. Authorities said at first thought they had separate incidents -- a jailbreak and a burglary. The jailbreak was discovered when a door was found unlocked. The inmate was being held on charges of forgery, identity fraud, possession of cocaine with intent to sell, obstruction of an officer and traffic violations. Now he'll also face an escape charge. To make it a double whammy. His crime wouldn't had gone undetected for long had he not got caught trying to break back in. I guess you can add the crime of stupidity as well because the facility is a smoke free facility.

#3, Can I apply for Federal Prison.

When one commits a crime, they usually make themselves anonymous. Someone should had told this lady criminal (the only lady on the list). A woman was applying for a home loan when the bank was receiving a shipment of money. As the bank executive and the amour guards left to obtain the next segment of the shipment, the lady decided that she rather have one of those special sub prime loans. Zero percent interest with no payments ever. She walked in the vault and helped herself to $100,000 and promptly walked out the bank without anyone noticing. Frankly, I don't who was dumber, the criminal in this case or the employees in the bank not noticing a woman came in with no money and walks out with $100,000. Cash only business, heh? Well, the authorities would have had no clue of the woman's identity had she not left her loan application behind. . . with her name, address and social security number. She was picked up and arrested two hours later. Too bad. How badly responsible people got robbed during the financial meltdown, she would had profited better had she took the loan.

#2, Have gun will travel.

A man entered a convenience store and held the cashier at gun point asking for the money in the register and safe. The register was fine, but the money in the safe proved to be too much for this thief to handle. So he put his gun on the counter, took the money and ran out the door. Not much of a story so far, but wait. Good things come to those that wait, and in this case, the store owner. An hour after the robbery, the policed we finishing up taking the report when the . . . you guessed it, the robber came walking into the store. He wanted to know if he could get his gun back. The police promptly arrested him. I would say use be careful with that gun, you could hurt yourself to the robber, but I don't think he could hit anything of importance because there's no working brain cells in that head of his.

#1, Would you like to make a donation with that?

Many time I struggle between #1 and #2 over which is dumber, but this one has to take the cake. A man enters a convenience store pretending he wants to buy something. He goes to the counter and hands the cashier a $20 bill. As the cashier opens the register to give the man his change, the man quickly grabs the money into his hand and darts out of the store stealing a total of $15 from the register. Meanwhile, he left his $20 bill behind. This is #1 because it's the only time I've known of a criminal to successfully steal and be in the negative. I guess crime really doesn't pay. Does this count as an armed donation. Well, since no gun was used, just a dysfunctional brain, I guess not.

So there you have, it. If you have some dumb criminal story to share, please do. It's quite comical what the most ignorance and dumbest will come up with to get themselves caught.

UPDATE: This came in on Saturday from Handle on the Law and this was too much. This comes in a tie for 2nd place.

T-2nd. You should see my Twitter Account.

A man had committed a bank robbery and unlike most bank robbers, he actually got away with the cash. Now 89% of bank robbers get caught while doing the robbery. Dectetives place them as the class of criminals that are often the dumbest. Like wearing a hood to hide their identity and while leaving and in front of the security camera, take the mask off for everyone to see. This criminal takes it one step better. This dumbass was so proud of getting away with bank robbery that he actually posted it on his Facebook account. He even took pictures on his cell phone during the robbery to show all his homies. Since Facebook is a public domain, a search warrant isn't needed to use in a court of law. In this case, it served as a confession with photo evidence for the police and DA. Not only that, it had the man's name and address where he was prompty picked up with the stolen loot. His Facebook confession is going to allowed to be used in his trial. Maybe he should had used a Linkin account instead. Naa, just subscribed to using his brain.

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